Baby Greenhouse Journal Ickle Pickle (DD 5/12/05, DS 18/03/08) |
Our little one had her feet up in front of her face, so her legs were in the way a bit but doctor just got me to lie on my side and then turn back and baby moved position. She is currently "extended breech" position, but she has plenty of time to get in the right position before January! (fingers crossed 
)
I felt really quite overwhelmed. Since the scan finished I've felt really close to her, like before I still couldn't quite believe that she was real and now I've actually SEEN her little nose and lips, it just seems so REAL. She looks like me and my sister did when we were babies, but we noticed from looking at the pics on the CD that she has my DP's lips!!! He has kind-of 'Val Kilmer' lips (if you know what I mean!) and hers look like that too. Got a few cute side-profile pics too.
Wow, I'm just so happy that we've finally been and done it. To anyone who is considering this, it is WORTH EVERY PENNY, especially if you've had trouble TTC like us 
, and are having trouble believing that it is finally happening for you. 
I had a consultant appt at 14+4 and they said if I had any more brown spotting to come back to hospital and they'd take high vaginal swabs to see if maybe an infection was causing it. So, ironically, two days later the pale brown spotting returned They took the swabs and found that I had thrush, which the gynaceologist said can cause spotting. So they prescribed Canesten Duo. I used the pessary (didn't bother with the cream because I had no external symptoms of thrush whatsoever) and in the 4 weeks since then I've had NO spotting at all. So, it looks like that *was* causing it. Although the gynae did say that she could see a small ectropian (cervical erosion) on my cervix which could also have caused it. All I know is, I HOPE it stays away - my DP and I get so distressed when it happens.
My antenatal appointments have all been OK. Blood pressure slightly low at times but thats common in PG. I have the 20week scan at 19+6 and I am DESPERATE to know if we're having a boy or a girl. Roll on the next two weeks!!!
Have been using the doppler to listen in to baby's HB for a few seconds every day or two, just for reassurance. I think that buying the doppler was the best £140 I EVER spent. Although because we have a professional one, we were able to pick up Hb as early as 9 weeks. This is good in one way, but also bad in another. Up until about 12/13 weeks it is hit & miss as to whether baby will be in the right position to hear anything at all, so on the days before 12/13 weeks when I *couldn't* find the HB, I'd get REALLY depressed. And then be ecstatic on the days when I *did* find it. Since 13 weeks I've been able to find it every time I try, and it has been an absolute godsend - I can't recommend one highly enough.
I've felt occasional 'pops' which I think is probably the baby moving / kicking but no proper kicks yet. I'm also (im)patiently waiting on a 'proper' bump appearing!! I still just look a bit podgy round the middle.. 
Ooohh, now my exciting news!! I've booked a 4D scan for 8th October at 5pm. Can't wait! Its £195 from www.babyscanning.co.uk
I've been really really sick too - I know its a good sign of a healthy PG etc. but its really awful because I get it ALL DAY, not just in the mornings. Urgh. But it has started to tail off a little so I've felt a bit better the last few days.
We had the 12wk scan at 11+5 and it was perfect. Baby was 50mm (CRL) which is spot on for 11+5 and was wriggling around loads!!
Wow! 
We saw a heartbeat!!! 8+1![:-]](/smilies/laugh.gif){kind=small}
) I had no hope left whatsoever...............
And then...........
We had the scan... And saw a heartbeat!!!!!!! OMG OMG I couldn't believe it. The consultant knows us quite well because of my history and as soon as he put the transducer on my tummy and the image popped up on screen he said "Well, it looks like you may be in for a bit of luck.." Then he zoomed in and we could see these little grey areas moving - a heartbeat!! I said "Is that the baby's heartbeat?" (Because I still wasn't convinced) and he said "Well, it certainly isn't yours!!"
He described what we could see - a regular Pregnancy sac, a regular yolk sac and a fetus with heartbeat. He did the CRL measurement which was 11mm. He said that the baby is measuring at 7+2 which is 6 days earlier than the date I have (8+1) but that he is not concerned about this discrepancy because the ultrasound machine has a automatic plus/minus of 5 days. (Plus there's a heartbeat which is the main thing!!)
I know we're not out of the woods yet - not by a long shot - but we've never seen a heartbeat with either of my previous PGs so I'm just happy to have reached this milestone. Think I read somewhere that after you see the fetal heartbeat you have an 83% chance of a successful PG so I'm holding onto that statistic for dear life!!!
Will update tomorrow.
Scared Pickle.xx
Still feeling sick a lot though - God this is so frustrating.
Its now 3pm and it seems to be slightly lighter coloured - am just hoping that it will tail off even more.
Feeling a bit down. Had really hoped that this time would be it.
Still, at least if this one does go wrong I'll have had 3 documented PG losses and be able to get a Lap or HSG to find out if there's something wrong with me. I'm so worried about that though cos I've already had three D&Cs in the last two years and the more you have surgery down there the more risky it is. I'd be so upset if I *did* end up with a successful PG later, then to have a late m/c because of an incompetent cervix (which can be caused by repeated D&Cs or abortions etc.) or something like that.
I guess if the dark spotting keeps up or turns red or I get any pain we'll probably go to EPU next week.
I called the consultant's secretary today to see if we could arrange a private scan with him (don't care about the money) so that we could avoid the anxiety of waiting in the EPU waiting room, etc. but she said he 'doesn't do' private scans and that I'd have to come to EPU. I explained to her about my recent anxiety problems and the 'phobia' about EPU and she said she would speak to the Dr and call me back. That was at 12.30pm, not heard anything back yet.
PG hormones?
Feeling a bit stupid writing this - I guess this is what PG hormones do??
.
We're booked in for an early scan on Friday but we're still trying to decide whether to go for it or not. I just can't face the stress but at the same time I'm desperate to know if there is a heartbeat or not. Arrrgghh!!
I know some people might not understand this choice but we have decided just to wait it out and hope that we can get to 10 weeks. If that happens with no bleeding or cramps then we'll use our doppler to search for the heartbeat. We *will* go to the EPU if I get any heavier / darker or longer lasting spotting or bleeding, because obviously then there will be a signal that something is wrong.
The other option might be a private scan - at a different hospital or through the OB/GYN consultant at our usual hospital. The problem with the EPU is that all the waiting around in the same waiting room with all the same posters, and then the scan in the same room where we had all the bad news the last two times, and the same counselling room just brings back too many bad and painful memories for both of us.
I feel much more relaxed and happier now that we have a "plan" of sorts - I felt awful last night thinking we'd have to go for the scan this morning.
We're going to try and go for an Early scan tomorrow or Fri so will update you with how it goes. At least they will hopefully be able to rule out a blighted ovum (which I had in my last PG)
Light brown-ish spotting = scared Pickle!
I'm 5+6 today. I came home from work at lunchtime and found some spotting. Its not as dark as I had with the first m/c - its more like caramel / beige coloured discharge - but its still not exactly a positive sign.
Did another Acon test which was +ve but I guess the hormone will still be there for a while even if this PG isn't continuing, so I don't know if I should even be bothering to test at all.
I'm at home now for the afternoon and am holiday the next two days so at least I can rest anyway.
We have the Early Pregnancy Unit nearby - they run a clinic between 8.30 and 9.30am so I guess if the spotting is still here or gets worse tomorrow AM then I could go for a scan.
We've got an Early scan for reassurance scheduled for next Friday. Just my luck if we end up there tomorrow.
Might be just aswell that I never posted that blue-line post, huh?
Pickle.xxx
Felt much better after I'd had a wee cry! The weird thing is that this normally happens to me when AF is due - i.e. PMT. So I'm just hoping that this is PG mood-swings, *not* PMT.
Why are pregnancy symptoms so similar to pre-menstrual symptoms????? Why does Mother Nature do this to us???????
The days are just passing by so slowly. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up in 7 weeks.
and I did a +ve Predictor yesterday and a +ve Clearblue tonight! (Tonight's CB came up with a DARK DARK cross *4 seconds* after the pee went across it so I'm taking that as a good sign that the HCG level is rising.)
God I hope it works this time. My last chemical PG ended at 5+0 so it'll be a nervous day tomorrow.
Pickle.xxx
Came home and did the first test, think I got a little less 'pee' than normal on the pink bit. 10 minutes later there were still no lines whatsoever on the test - i.e it hadn't worked. I was raging - they're so bloody expensive!
Anyway, I waited 4 hours and did the second test and got a dark + very quickly.
Then we noticed the first test still lying there, with no lines. My boyfriend says "Do you think that's reusable?" then, "I'm going to do it for a laugh"...
So he gets the used test and pees on the pink bit (splashing everywhere I might add.... ) and lo and behold....... it was positive!!!! A dark + exactly like mine. We were laughing for ages..
He kept saying "I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant" "I need to phone my Mum and tell her" etc. etc. It was hilarious.
(Of course the reason this happened is because his pee must have just pushed my pee along the test.... At least, I *hope* that's the explanation!!!)
Hee hee hee. xx
Still hoping! xx
I started taking Evening Primrose Oil this month, from CD1 til CD14. It seemed to bring on my Ovulation, because I had EWCM around CD13 - 16. I'm on CD28 today and been feeling dizzy so did a CB test last night........ It was positive!! EEEKK!
I'm not announcing this yet - IRL or on the PG/TTC forum - because knowing our luck it'll end up being a chemical PG again. So I'm just gonna keep my fingers crossed that AF doesn't show up and spoil it all. xxxx
My LMP was 7th April, first +ve test 3rd May.
Results should be in next week!
- Chromosonal tests (me and DP): normal
- Thrombophilia screen was negative.
- Prothrombin gene 20210A is absent.
- Lupus anticoagulant is negative.
So, everything is normal. We had an appt yesterday with the Dr to see what the next steps are. He said the next step would be investigative operations. I can either have an HSG (hysterosalpinogram) or a laparoscopy / hysteroscopy. The lap/hyst involves a GA and carries a higher risk of infection / damage. The HSG carries less risk of infection /damage but it does cause painful cramps during the procedure.
So, now I've got to decide what I want to do. I'm a bit reluctant to go for either of these just yet. I had a bad experience with a D&C after my missed m/c which I had to have repeated again 3 weeks later.
I think I'd like to wait maybe 3-6 months just to see if I do get PG again. Third time lucky?!!
I've learned stuff about Controlled Breathing and relaxation techniques which seem to be helping, especially with sleeping at night etc. So I'm back to work part-time this week and full-time next week.
I didn't realise how bad this was affecting me emotionally - I think I'm going to try and take a back step from the whole ttc thing. I don't mean that we'll stop trying - far from it! - but I'm definitely going to avoid thinking about it so much and obsessing over everything because its definitely not helping my anxiety.
AF arrived on Saturday - exactly 14days after I ovulated so I'm a wee bit sad that it didn't happen this month but am glad that at least my luteal phase seems normal, However, it was CD28 before I ov'd this month so I'm going to look at which herbs / vitamins I should be taking to try and shorten my pre-ov cycle a bit. Am investigating Natural Solutions which I've read so much about. Hopefully it will work for me!
I don't seem to be coping very well this time, so I went in to see the doctor and she thinks I'm suffering reactional depression because of ttc2l. She mentioned anti-depressants but I really don't think I'm ready for that.
So she's referred me for counselling with the community Mental Health nurses. I have an appt next Monday. Am looking forward to it because GP said they'll give me some techniques to use to combat it.
Feeling really sad, but not exactly sure how to class this one. I got to 5 weeks+0 so is this a m/c? I don't know if I should ask them to scan me to make sure everything's gone when the bleeding stops?
I just hope I don't have to end up going through another D&C - I hated that. I guess I probably won't since its so early. But then again, I had a fully formed sac at 5 weeks on both my last PGs so maybe I will?
Sorry to ramble. I just wanted to say thank you so much for all your replies earlier. I'm not really able to talk to many of my friends IRL about this kind of thing and it means so much to me to be able to talk about it here.
I'm so sad I really hoped this time it would happen. I did another CB a few days ago and it was +ve so my boyfriend has gone off to Tesco to get me another pack. I know some people do have spotting / bleeding in early PG and everything still turns out OK, but I just have a feeling that won't be me!
I guess if this one goes away it'll be classed as a Chemical PG since I only got to 5weeks+0 (today).
Don't really know why I'm posting this - I'm trying not to cry and I suppose it helps just to write it down. Sorry to be so depressing! xxx
18 Jan - BFP!
CD37 (18th January) and I just couldn't stand the waiting any longer and made boyfriend drive me to Tesco to pick up a ClearBlue! It was late evening - 10pm - but I couldn't resist and did the test. Positive!
Am not sure how to describe how I feel. I was starting to get a bit desperate for it to happen so that at least I'd be on the first step of the journey. In the back of my mind I'm trying to stay calm and remember that it could still go all wrong. It *could* still be another chemical PG, or ectopic, or a blighted ovum again, or even a missed m/c if we do get further on. But I still can't help but feel happy and excited. I'm just so full of hope that this time it'll work out. Fingers crossed!
Have discussed the possibility of an early scan with boyfriend but I think the stress would just be too much! We bought our own doppler last time so we have that to use for reassurance. Our plan at the moment is to wait until 10weeks+ and if there's been no spotting etc. then we'll try to find the h/beat ourselves with the doppler. That way (as long as we *do* find it!) when we go for 12wk scan we'll at least be more confident that everything's OK.
Still not feeling any PG symptoms yet but I guess I am only 4+3 so maybe a bit early?
I think !! I'm 4dpo so if AF doesn't show by 16th Jan I'll do a test. (At least, that's the plan.. I always seem to end up testing earlier than I should. Grrr.)
Anyway, fingers crossed (again!!) for a BFP this month.
So it looks as though my cycle might have gotten longer. It was always 30 days before I had the second pg loss. Am beginning charting this month to see if my Ov date has changed too.
.... but no AF??? Hmm...
AF was due yesterday and I have no signs of her appearing (except extreme crankiness... PMT, grrr..)
Hoping that she'll arrive soon if she's going to, but still secretly praying that she won't arrive at all!!
I'm going to begin charting again this cycle so that I can be a bit more sure of OV date, and will probably use Ovulation Tests, which I've never used before. x x x
at medical staff!
Fast fwd 21 days !! and after numerous phone-calls to OB's office I get a voicemail from his secretary telling me the results are in another hospital and may take "a number of weeks" more to get here.
Why didn't they just give me the correct timescale in the first place??????? At least then I'd have a realistic expectation....
Day 1 of this cycle was Nov 9th. Its currently Day 19 and I had some light brown spotting on Day 16 which I’m hoping was caused by ovulation. Fingers crossed for a BFP around Dec 8th.
I've written a very LONG history below which I apologise for in advance. If anyone has the time and patience to read it I'd be grateful.
::::::::::: MY HISTORY ::::::::::
I'm 22 yrs old, my boyfriend is 26. We started ttc in Oct '03 and succeeded first time! Took us both by surprise because we'd been expecting it to take longer (my Mum tried for 2.5 years to conceive me!) Naive thinking, I know. Anyway, we were ecstatic, madly in love and bought a house together. I had just come off the pill and wasn't sure about my LMP, but at best guess thought I was 8 weeks. A tiny bit of light brown spotting started appearing and we went for a scan which measured at 5.5 to 6 weeks. The Obstetrician advised its either a missed miscarriage or your dates are 2 weeks out. We had a repeat scan 2 (hellish) weeks later which showed no growth since the first, and still no heartbeat, which SHOULD have been visible by that time. I was completely shocked – it sounds like a cliché but I never expected this to happen to me. You just assume that a positive HPT means you’ll end up with a baby. We’d already picked names, bought tiny clothes and told close family and friends. Had the D&C on Jan 19th and couldn’t believe the feeling of grief. Boyfriend stayed with me the whole time and was fantastic the whole way through, only left my side to go home and pick up contact lenses, clean clothes etc.
People imagine that because you’re so early on its somehow easier to get over, not ‘really a baby yet’. I think perhaps once you learn more about how common fertility problems are, then yes, it is easier to be realistic (wait 12 weeks before telling anyone etc.) but until you are ‘introduced’ to the world of ovulation test sticks, blue lines and crown-to-rump measurements then something like this comes out of the blue and knocks you for six. It certainly did to me – I grieved for a baby I believe was as loved and wanted as any bouncing newborn ever had been. I said goodbye out loud to the baby in that half-hour on my own in the hospital before the operation. I spoke out loud and apologized to her or him for not being able to hold on for longer.
We focused on getting the new house organised, and moved in on Feb 12th. AF had arrived that week and after three days of regular flow I began to experience bad cramps, worse than any I’d had before. We went to the supermarket and I had to sit down twice on the way round, the pain was so bad. I just figured that because I’d been pregnant my uterus would be re-adjusting and that this was normal. It got so bad that I was dosing up on painkillers and walking around with a hot-water bottle down the front of my jogging bottoms! On the Saturday night (Feb 14th, Valentines Day no less) the pain started coming every 10 minutes, building up gradually to a peak and then stopping suddenly. It became unbearable. That evening I went to bed, lay down and felt a sudden gush. I ran to the bathroom and sat on the toilet watching the blood pour out of me. I was shaking and scared as my boyfriend grabbed one of the massive sanitary pads we’d left the hospital with after the D&C and rushed me out the door. We drove to the hospital with each of the cramps being accompanied by a large gush of blood and then waited for forty minutes in Accident & Emergency to see someone. By the time a doctor arrived I had soaked through three pads, covered the white sheet on the trolley and felt like I was about to faint. Finally the doctor examined me. As soon as she inserted the speculum the pain stopped. I have never felt relief like it. My boyfriend stayed holding my hand but later told me that he watched her remove a large black blood clot the size and shape of a finger. Sensibly he didn’t mention it to me at the time! The doctor said my cervix was open and she could see more blood clots and what looked like retained tissue in the womb. I was transferred to a nearby hospital at 4am by ambulance to have a repeat D&C. The cramps never returned after that first examination, and I believe that they were actually contractions, as my cervix dilated while trying to ‘push out’ the retained tissue. My Obstetrician told me 6 weeks later that ‘retained products of conception’ cause repeat operation in 20% of D&Cs carried out. I wondered why no-one had mentioned it before; it would have been helpful to know what to look out for!
My cycle resumed as normal after that and I started charting temps and checking cervical fluid etc. We felt so ready for a baby. My next trauma was to suffer two so-called ‘biochemical pregnancies’. Twice I got a positive HPT on the day my period was due, but unfortunately AF arrived within 5 days. My GP advised that although upsetting, this is very common and because I was testing on Day 30, I was finding a BFP when normally (if I wasn’t ttc) I wouldn’t even have noticed AF being 3-5 days late. She told me that these are just fertilized eggs which don’t implant and just seem to fall away with no reason or explanation. Most women will experience this at some time and just mistake it for a delayed, slightly heavier period.
The thing that got to me was that I’d been trying to avoid getting PG since I was 16 and now that I actually wanted to, it became so hard. Why had I spent all those years on the pill if actually having a baby was such a hard feat to accomplish?
Good news came in August when AF was two weeks late, I got a BFP and had it confirmed by my GP. We felt hopeful that this time all would go according to plan. We scheduled an Early Scan for reassurance. This time there was no confusion around the dates (LMP 18th July) so I was 7w+3d on the date of the scan. I was hoping and praying to see a heartbeat but the Obstetrician could only see an empty gestational sac, and no fetal pole, on either an abdominal or vaginal scan. It looked normal, but for a 5 week pregnancy. He told us this could indicate either a blighted ovum or he gave me the option of ‘you could be earlier than you think’. But I was sure of my LMP and my cycles are regular so I was quite sure there wasn’t enough ‘scope’ for a two-week difference. We returned for another scan a week later which showed no growth. He advised to give it one more week, and also started monitoring my blood HCG levels. These were measuring high (20,000 +) but not increasing as much as they’d expect. I went back for one final scan which confirmed a blighted ovum. This was difficult to handle - different to the first pregnancy when there WAS a small fetal pole, but still with the end result of a D&C and no baby. I reassured myself with the midwives words that these were two entirely separate ‘flukes of nature’ and resolved to try again.
AF took a while to arrive this time – we wanted to wait for at least one cycle before ttc again. Day 1 of this cycle was Nov 9th. Its currently Day 19 and I had some light brown spotting on Day 16 which I’m hoping was caused by ovulation. Fingers crossed for a BFP around Dec 8th.
I’ve decided to write this Journal so that I’ve got a permanent record of my thoughts and feelings. So much has happened that I find it difficult to remember a lot of it. I also think I’ll find great comfort in sharing my experiences on this site and hope that others will appreciate my story (and forthcoming journey!).